Your sense of entitlement.
You have no shame in demanding respect from everyone in exchange for your respect for them. Your classmate forgot to say hi? You decide to ignore him for days. Your friend did not remember to buy you food? You decide to do the same. Whilst “an eye for an eye” is a legit principle for retributive punishment in criminal law, there are times that we have to remind ourselves that we can’t decide for anyone on how he/she is to be treated. “Taking justice” into our own hands seems like a right thing to do, but more often than not, we forget that we’re not saving people. That false sense of righteousness misdirects us into tormenting others in order to make ourselves feel better.
Why can’t we, for once, put down our ego? Are we really entitled beings? It’s ironic how one joins in the fight for equality, but rejects equal treatment. Of course everyone wants to be treated nicely. If you and me have a ridiculously high sense of entitlement, no one will take initiatives to start spreading kindness without wishing for anything in return. We’ll end up being fools waiting for others to feed us kind remarks and give us assistance, because apparently tolerance is stupid. Not willing to give way? Well, don’t expect others to do the same for you.
Do you know? If there’s no tolerance in this world, wars will be erupting everywhere. There’ll be no peace and mutual understanding. It’s a collective initiative that requires a humble individual beginning, and it starts with you. Always be the better person no matter how horrible the other person is.
You think you’re right most of the time.
This is a common trait among homo sapiens. They assume they’re smarter than the rest when they get educated. Mind you, educated people aren’t in fact, “educated”. Let me explain.
In an ideal world, educated is equivalent to civilised. In the actual world, many educated people are far from civilised. Getting enrolled in a top university will not make you a deity. There are more life skills to be learned out in the society, because the education you receive only prepares you for the final examination, which is a determinant of whether you are getting a degree or not. It is true that common sense is no longer common, and you’ll be asking yourself why university graduates are dumb.
It’s really amusing that you aren’t afraid to argue with someone who knows more, even with little knowledge. You think you’ve known it all, and you reject the possibility that you may be wrong. Constructive criticisms get you on your nerves as you don’t get to hear what you expect. You’ll be wondering why others are stupid and never get your points. In fact, they’re secretly laughing behind your back at your comedy performances.
No one knows everything. We learn from each other, and with criticisms, we know what we should improve on. There are too many academically high-achieving university graduates out there, and to outperform the others, one needs to acquire soft skills and be flexible accordingly. A stubborn person will always be left behind because he/she will never see the light by being insistent on a point that others stop accepting. “Be yourself” is not sufficient – “be your rational self” is the way.
You form prejudices too easily.
In administrative law, I learned a principle of natural justice called “right to be heard”. There are three sides to a story. First, party A’s version. Second, party B’s version. Third, the truth. There’ll always be discrepancies in both parties’ versions, and it’s rather difficult to know the truth unless you’re a witness. Instead of only listening to one side and believing it completely, it is important for us to allow the other side to explain. I believe, in every dispute or conflict, no matter big or small, no party is truly innocent. It’s the perspectives that influence your judgment towards a person.
It bothers me how a friend of mine tends to judge too quickly without thinking from another perspective. Is empathy really dead? Perhaps not everyone thinks like me. If you are in the shoes of the misunderstood person, you will hope that someone clears your name and takes into consideration of your situation. I know how terrible it feels when people disregard your good side and turn to magnify on your flaws. Sadly, humans are judgmental, and I always try my best to avoid such people.
What’s worse is there are people who love to spread rumours. Unfortunately, rumour is a great traveller, and more often than not, if the stories about you seem legit to them, there’s no way you’ll be able to defend yourself. You’ll start to be self-destructive when you started to believe in the rumours about yourself, and doubt yourself when in fact, there is nothing wrong with you at all.
If you don’t want anyone to feel terrible about him/herself, stop forming prejudices in your head. They can kill. Instead, try to understand.
You always deny problems and run away without confronting.
This is a tough point. Not everyone is brave enough to step out of their comfort zones. However, running away is never a solution, because it doesn’t solve anything! Your problem will be left to slowly devour you, and no matter how many times you try to shake it off, it will be chained to you. Permanently.
Misunderstandings often occur because we lack communication. It is my contention that technology kills relationships, because people rarely talk openly nowadays. They share their problems via Facebook status, Instagram stories and Twitter, but never with the person who contributed to such a situation. It takes time to cool off after fights and arguments, but if too much time is taken to patch things up, bid farewell to the sinking relationship.
Pretending that everything’s fine is actually toxic. Not only you don’t know the root of the problem, you also forgo the chance to understand the other person better. Technology has no feelings, but humans do. Emotions are what connect us, and to deny them is to be less human.
Sadly, I’ve been having this issue as well. I want to talk so badly, but there’s something that’s stopping me. My reluctance to do so is probably one of the main reasons why I can’t maintain a relationship (I mean friendship) well for long.
There’s something wrong with me as well.